Untold Stories: Postwar Healing

Continuing with our 2021 theme Untold Stories, we invite you to meet two incredible peace leaders who have chosen to step out of politics and personal narrative in order to create a new story of healing and resolution.

Lejla Hasandedic-Dapo was three when the war began in Bosnia-Herzegovina. Samira Baručija-Homoras was born in that same war shortly before its end. When the war ended in 1995, the bombs and killing stopped - the hate and division did not. Facing an identity-crisis of sorts, wondering what "side" they were actually on, both women found themselves asking how they could help their families and communities de-otherize and find healing.

Here is a link to the call recording: click here.

The following are excerpts from our conversation with Lejla & Samira (with timestamps if you’d like to watch the recording.)

(00:07:15) Katy started with an invitation to Lejla and Samira to share their personal childhood stories.

Lejla: As a young 4 year old, Lejla remembers war, tragedy, and food scarcity. “All my memories are quite blurry and shades of grey and dark...the smell of burning skin...and the sound of grenades.” The lack of pleasant early memories led her to envisioning a world in which no child grows up in this context. In her city, there were Croats (Catholics), Bosnians (Muslim) and Serbs (Orthodox Christian). These national and religious identities created diversity, but also deep division.  

“When the war ended, there was still significant and dangerous division. I didn’t know who the other was. I was growing up in a part of the city where everyone was Muslim, Bosnian. We only heard the perspectives of our parents and grandparents.”

Lejla then shared photos of her city’s famous bridge built by the Ottoman Empire in the 1500s. It was destroyed during the war and rebuilt in 2004. This bridge is a significant part of her peacebuilder story.

(00:16:38) Samira then shared her early childhood story. She was born five days after the death of her father. He was not killed not on the battlefield during the three years he served as a soldier, but at the neighborhood market where a grenade was thrown. “I don’t have memories of war, so I had to create images in my head based on stories I was told. This became confusing at times.” As a child of a single mother, her life’s path wasn’t easy.

Growing up in a diverse community with a variety of ethnicities, she was always questioning who she was and who were those on the opposite side. “How am I supposed to feel about them? What was the role of my family in everything that was happening?...Someone killed my father. Where are these people now?” These are the questions that launched Samira on her peacebuilder path.

( 00:27:15): Katy then asked for them to expand on the start of their peacebuilder journey.

Lejla spoke about the end of the war in 1995 and noted that it really wasn’t an end. Twenty-six years later they are still feeling the effects of this war; it’s a sort of cold war. “People ask me why there is still a need to share the stories. Because people are still suffering from those narratives from our childhoods. People are still being raised with these ideas.” In the Balkans there is a significant conflict every 50 years. It’s time to break the circle of violence.

In 2002 she began secondary school. The school was called Two Schools Under One Roof. Croats and Bosniaks together under one roof. Great idea, but the effort fell a bit short. The students were still divided by floors, with police officers ensuring there was no dangerous intermingling. Lejla found herself wanting to know “the other” and got permission from administrators to begin a mixed student council. 

“I went to the first meeting nervous...I was full of my stereotypes, ready to fight - why did you destroy my home, my childhood?” And then she realized she had more in common with them than she realized - music, school classes, movies, insecurities, etc. They began to work on small community projects together.  Lejla had the idea for this student group to cross Mostar’s Old Bridge together. The Old Bridge had been destroyed in the war and had since been rebuilt. Crossing the bridge together symbolized “that we were creating bridges and taking down barriers.”  It took a year for her to convince the group to do this. 

This was a life-changing experience for everyone in the group. On the way to the bridge, they walked and shared how they experienced the war, the challenges, the losses. Then they crossed the bridge in silence. Gathering at a coffee shop at the end of the crossing, Lejla had a deep conversation with a peer who opened up about his connection to her. He confessed that he believed it was his father, a commander, who ordered the bombing in the neighborhood where her grandmother was killed. He started apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Lejla noted, “This was very hard for me, but because it took me so long to move and cross the bridge and overcome stereotypes. I cannot go back to the previous time in my life...We need to continue building bridges. We will not allow the younger generation to be in the same position we are.” They agreed together to commit to this healing work. This was when she knew she became the peacebuilder. “Crossing the bridges of stereotypes. I will not forget, but I will forgive you. This is the point where we start building new narratives.”

(00:44:33) Samira’s path to peacebuilding never felt like a choice. As a child she considered many different occupation ideas from doctor to supermodel. She began paying attention to what her gifts were. Samira was passionate about social issues and had a gift for teaching. She became a part of a faith-based youth group and Youth for Peace. “Peacebuilding offered me an opportunity to deal with my own demons and my internal struggles in a much more efficient way than a conversation with my relatives ever did.”

On a trip to Italy with Youth for Peace, Samira decided to open up more vulnerably and share her personal story about losing her father. After hearing her story, a young person from the audience challenged her narrative about losing her father saying it was he that killed himself. It was not the fault of her ethnical group, “your father was guilty of his own death.” “I did not expect that my personal story would be targeted in the way it was.” Later this young woman found Samira to offer an apology. She knew that it was not a personal attack; it was based on stereotypes and narratives that she grew up with. “I simply told her it wasn’t her fault, but I knew she could do better.” 

Even though Samria was working with Youth for Peace, she never saw herself as a peacebuilder, only as a facilitator of these important conversations. After this conversation in Italy, she realized that a peacebuilder is exactly who she is.

Samira still works for Youth for Peace and now United Religions Initiative (URI). Her work centers around creating safe spaces for hurt or endangered people, helping them find their own paths to peace. “I get to work with people who crave hearing a story that will transform them.”

“I still struggle to find my own identity, questioning the role of my ethnical group in what happened. This [questioning] is dangerous even within my own family.” Samira does not want to conform to national or ethnic or religious boxes. This is challenging to others, but she pushes on. Trauma and prejudices are being passed through to the younger generation. Young people are being raised with strong beliefs and prejudices. There is still a wound that has not been healed. If something happens in the Balkans every fifty years, they are looking for what will happen next. “Any conflict needs to be transformed and the only way to transform conflict is through dialogue.“ The work of peacebuilding is hard. It takes heart and courage and persistence. 

(00:59:00) Q&A: We took time for a few questions from our community.

Janessa: What do you wish was taught in schools throughout the world? Look at the real problems beyond math and reading. What can we emphasize in schools in order to deal with all of the world's challenges?

Samira: Peace education should be infused into the curriculum of course (dialogue, conflict resolution, etc). I would also add media literacy and critical thinking skills and compassion!

Lejla: I agree with Samira - empathy, active listening and giving students the chance to listen to personal stories. A living library, meeting the other. It’s hard to hate someone you know. 

Candace: I am beginning a new career as pro Bono attorney for refugees asylum seekers at our Mexican border who are escaping war and conflict. What advice do you have for listening to their stories of violence?

Lejla: Try to be as empathic and compassionate as you can be. Without giving advice, give them space to express themselves. Are we really hearing another human being? It’s important for them to feel valued and that someone is trying to listen and be there for them. Provide a space to share stories. The whole society will understand their positions better.

Samira: Legal representation is a must in such a situation. Thank you! I had to learn along the way how to protect myself when listening to others’ stories. Develop mechanisms that help you flush certain emotions. It is not easy to listen to difficult stories day to day. Try to find a way - a spiritual practice - that will help you flush that through your system. I learned the hard way that I need a mechanism to protect myself as a peacebuilder.

Candace: What practice do you use?

Samira: My faith-base has helped me. I channel it into a prayer for the person. Whoever tried to do honest peacebuilder work at grassroots learned how difficult it was.

(01:13:00) Closing comments 

Lejla expressed gratitude for the listening and hearing and sharing . “Try to do your best. The smallest thing will make the biggest change. Don’t be afraid to take any small step.” 

Samira also expressed gratitude and appreciation that people want to hear their stories. “We don’t have a magic wand...any effort counts. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. Any effort counts. Don't compare your own actions with others...You don't always see who you touch or inspire along the way. And don’t burden yourself with trying to solve every problem in the world.”