"It could have been me": an Indian peace leader's reflections on Afghanistan

by Pragya Narang

Through my peacebuilding work, I have picked up a new term: "Lottery of birth." It means that we do not choose where we are born. Our country, socio-economic status, biological gender, religion, environment, neighbourhood, family beliefs, etc are assigned to us at birth.

This term improved my introspective quality immensely. So whenever I hear of war or destitution or hunger or restrictions for women or a refugee crisis, I lead with a thought: "I might have been born there, in their place. It could have been me. I am not there, but I could have been. What would I wish for if I was indeed one of them? Compassion perhaps, a little support, maybe respect, equality, empathy, acceptance, and someone who would listen without interruption?" Hence, keeping my privilege in mind, I would try and do whatever I can for those less fortunate.

However, Basit Jamal bhai (brother), my spiritual mentor at URI India (United Religions Initiative), taught me to extend that thought even to extremists or violent people and put myself in their shoes. I could have been born in their place too. Then I would have learnt, just like them, that violence is the only way to resolve conflict, or that it is noble. I wouldn't have ever been introduced to any other way of living, or even known any other world. They don't choose these lives either, they are not born violent, but they learn it through the environment they are brought up in.

Sure, we should do whatever we can to protect ourselves from them, avoid them if they are harming us, and not make it our project to rectify them, but we should not hate them either for who they have become. They require empathy too, not judgement. "...And that's how you are more likely to have a successful dialogue or resolve conflicts with them: When you learn to put yourself in their shoes, with nothing but warmth in your hearts towards them.. and that is your real test as a peacebuilder! Because anyone can feel for a victim, but rarely so can people do the same for the proponents of violence", he said.

This advice was gold. I needed to recognise that a fire first burns itself before it burns others. And similarly, be able to see with clarity, just how much harm violent people cause themselves, to their own minds and personal peace, before extending it to others. He taught me that by changing our perspective: by forgiving and loving, by responding with a place of empathy rather than counter-violence, we prevent ourselves from becoming the same monsters that we are fighting.

This all sounds a little idealistic and it is definitely difficult (I have struggled with it in the past) but today when I look at Afghanistan, I can feel empathy for everyone in the region. Instead of viewing people in absolute black and white terms, I am able to see all parties as humans, humans who are imperfect and fallible. And I wish, with my whole heart that everyone in my neighbouring country can find both personal as well as collective stability, peace, growth, and a progressive future. The visuals coming out from Afghanistan are heart wrenching and I, or anyone of us for that matter, could have been their place, simply by losing out on the lottery of birth.